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Chemistry
(Based on 3 ratings)
Revision: 308
Views: 24
Comments: 5
Created 1 year, 11 months ago
Edited 1 year, 9 months ago
Category: Stage Play
Genres: Comedy, Drama
Page / 1

Comments
Originator found this helpful.
Richard Ethan Williams (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
Alex...! that was another very marvelous piece. i really loved it. I think every person out of high school has had that same discussion. and it felt so natural. the dialogue flowed really well, very naturally. and i actually leaned forward and started gripping the mouse a little tighter because i knew what was gonna happen. well, i didn't know exactly, but i knew there was something. the dialogue reminded me of a cleaner Neil laBute, and so for some reason i assumed there would be some sort of twist ending. this work perfectly. you have a great knack for being able to get emotions down as dialogue and get people (audience and characters) interested in a very short amount of time. and also for being able to make very common situations seem unique, but still accessible. we still know that we all have had that same conversation, and so we are very attached to it, hoping OLIVER either does or doesn't make the same decision we did, but at the same time, it is very unique somehow. like a cliche, they don't contain false ideas, but rather bad manifestations of really good ones. (i think Peter Brook said that) and you are the person who takes the cliche idea and strips them down and re-presents them as the good ideas they really are, instead of the mindless repeats of similar scenes we usually see. So if that made sense, Kudos to you. and even if it didn't, i Loved your script. Alot.

Ethan
Originator found this helpful.
Richard Ethan Williams (Sent 1 year, 9 months ago)
see above comment
  • (5/5 stars)
Originator found this unhelpful.
Dawn Chapman (Sent 1 year, 9 months ago)
I read the first two pages, and i am sorry but there is no action here, to hold my interest it just seems like john and oliver are two talking heads.

Although the dialogue is good, their needs to be action in any script to make it seem real. No one just stands/sits and talks for ten minutes On screen or even on a stage. It is just too little to engage us.

I know you can work on this, as its a first draft.

I suggest you take a look at some of the other plays on here, and research more into your given area.

Good luck

Dawn
Originator found this unhelpful.
Dawn Chapman (Sent 1 year, 9 months ago)
I thought it needed a lot of work. But its not out of your grasp the dialogue is good and feels real. Just introduce realistic action as well.

Good luck

Dawn
  • (2/5 stars)
Originator found this helpful.
TJ Oliver (Sent 1 year, 9 months ago)
I really liked it. The only problem I see is the lack of action. Perhaps an actor could work with that though.
  • (4/5 stars)