Int. of the El Tacquinta fast food taco joint. The dull flourescent lights hum just under the volume of the campy mariachi music playing in the background. It is just after 11 pm on a Tuesday night. The place is empty except for an elderly woman and her grandson who are waiting a few steps from the counter for their order number to be called.
Steven
(into microphone out of habit, even though they are standing right there)
Number five, Your order is ready. Number five.
(No response.)
STEVEN
Number five?
(Still no response. He looks around the empty lobby. They are the only customers.)
STEVEN
Number five...
(He taps the mic a few times to check it, then brings the mic right up to his lips, which muffles and distorts his words:)
sTEVEN
NUMBER FIVE
Teddy
Gramma, I think that's us...
Grandma
No, Teddy, I think we're number six.
(Steven checks the order slip in his hand.)
STEVEN
Two Crunchy Beanaritos, a side of Queso Cheese, and a Mini Grande Kids Empanada Meal?
(No response)
TeDDY
Gramma, I thinks that's us! I had a Mini Grande Meal!
GRANDMA
No, I think we had...
(Pulling out her reading glasses from purse and consulting receipt--)
...two crunchy Beanritos, Q-esso cheese, and a mini grand-ee em-puh-nanda meal...Did you order an em-puh-nanda?
TeDDY
Ummm...I wanted (pointing to menu pictures) that one...
GRANDMA
I thought you hated em-puh-nandas!
SteVEN
(Exasperated, giving in)
Number six?
GRANDMA
Oh! that's us! See I told you, teddy, we just needed to be patient. Now why don't you go grab some napkins for us and...
(She is interrupted by a masked gunman who bursts through the door and almost trips over her on his way to the counter.)
GRANDMA
*Screams*
Gunman
Nobody move! This is a stick-up! Hands up! You! gimme everything in the register!
SteVEN
I don't have the key--only my manager has the key, I'll have to get the manager!
GUNMAN
Well get the manager!
StEVEN
Ok! Ok! (yells) GREG!
Greg
(Calling from back)
Just a minute--I'm right in the middle of frying these tacquitos. I think we're running low on oil--did you put in that order for--
StEVEN
Greg! I think you'd better come out here!
GreG
What what is it? (He enters) Holy Sh--
GRANDMA
*Screams again*
GuNMAN
Hands up! Higher! Good! Now give him the key!
no movement
Gunman
Now!
GreG
Can I put my hands down?
guNMAN
Yeah, yeah...
(Greg slowly begins to lower his arms)
GUNMAN
But just one of 'em!
(Greg puts his arms up quickly again. He then slowly begins to lower his left arm--then changes his mind and lowers the right.)
GUNMAN
Hurry it up, will ya!? And don't even try for the button! I know you've got a button back there!
(Greg takes a step back from the counter at the warning--he is now trembling as he fumbles awkwardly with one hand at the key laden clip attached to his belt.)
GREG
Uhhh--uhhhh! Please! Don't shoot! Don't shoot me! Please!
(He finally gets the keys unhooked from his belt--but drops them to the ground. He continues to keep one hand in the air as he reaches down to pick up the keys.)
GuNMAN
Don't move! You,(gesturing to Steven)pick 'em up! (to Greg)Now get over there! (to Grandma and Teddy)You too!
(They all slowly scoot away from the counter. Steven begins to follow them, holding the keys with his hands in the air.)
GUNMAN
No! Not you! You stay right there! The rest of you--I want you down on your knees (they obey) But keep your hands where I can see 'em--Up! Keep 'em up! That's right! Now put 'em behind your head! Good! Good! If I see any quick moves out of any of--
STEVEN
(whispering)Hey! Can I talk to you for a minute!
GuNMAN
(To Steven)Hey! What'd I say about keeping your hands up!? Keep 'em up!
StEVEN
(still whispering) Cut the crap! Get over here!
GunMAN
(whispers back) Ok! Ok! Easy! (to others) Good! No sudden moves!
(He walks over to Steven and they discuss in hushed tones so the others can't hear.)
GUNMAN
What!? What is it? We shouldn't be talking right now--they might hear us!
StEVEN
You're early! You weren't supposed to come until after closing!
GUNMAN
I know, I know, but...I got bored. I couldn't wait any longer!
StEVEN
You got bored?
Gunman
Well, yeah! Well, ok, maybe 'bored' isn't the right word--but I just couldn't wait any longer.
StEVEN
Do you realize that this could ruin everything! There weren't supposed to be any customers involved! We had a plan! Now there are three times as many witnesses!
GUNMAN
Well that's not bad! There are still only three!
STEVEN
Are you dense? Wait--they might be getting suspicious! Play along! (deliberately loud so the others can hear) You want me to open the cash register!?
GunMAN
(still whispering) What!? Yeah!
StEVEN
(whispered) Come on! Play along! (not whispered) Oh, I don't know if I can do that! I'm not supposed to open the cash register!
GREG
Just do what he says, Steven! It's not worth it! (to Gunman) You can have whatever you want!
GUNMAN
(whispered) What?
STEVEN
(Whispered) Play along! Threaten me!
GUNMAN
Oh...Oh! (Loud) If you don't open that register right now, I'm gonna...I'm gonna...
StEVEN
(Whispered) Come on!
GunMAN
If you don't open that register right now, I'm gonna blow your friggin' brains out!
GRANDMA
(wailing) Ohhhhhhhhahhhhh!
TeDDY
(begins to sob a bit) WaHa Hu...Hu!
(Steven opens the register and begins taking cash out)
SteVEN
Ok! Ok! Whatever you want! (Whispered) That might have been a bit much!
GUNMAN
(whispered) What!? What do you mean?
sTEVEN
Well, geez man! It's an old woman and a little kid! You don't want to scare 'em too much!
GuNMAN
(whispered)What? Oh really? I didn't get a good look at 'em--I was so nervous running in the door--and I'm having a hard time seeing out of this mask, it keeps hiking up--
(Gunman fiddles with ski mask trying to adjust it--it is just slightly too small for him.)
StEVEN
(Whispered) Uggh! Just take that off for a minute--they're not looking.
(Steven reaches over and pulls the mask halfway off the Gunman's face.)
GunMAN
Oh wow--That's much better.
StEVEN
(whispered)What's wrong with you?
GuNMAN
(whispered)Nothing! Nothin' man! Why you always gotta be raggin' on me! You almost got that all?
StEVEN
(whispered)Yeah--just don't take that last bill--it's the trigger bill. In fact, why don't you warn me not to take the trigger bill.
GuNMAN
(whispered)Okay...don't take the trigger bill.
StEVEN
(whispered) No, Stupid! Loud enough so that they can hear!
Gunman
(whispered) Oh, right! (Loud) And don't take that trigger bill. Don't think I ain't watchin' you! Ya'll be trippin if you don't think I'm watchin' you!
GrANDMA
Gracious me!
TeDDY
Wa-ha huhu!
GrEG
Don't take the trigger bill Steven! Just do what he says!
StEVEN
(whispered) Why are you talking like that?
GuNMAN
(whispered) Like what?
StEVEN
(whispered) Like "Ya'll be trippin..." What is that?
GuNMAN
(whispered) I dunno, it's sort of a disguise--maybe they'll think I'm Black.
StEVEN
(whispered) You're so racist! And it doesn't matter--you're wearing a mask, remember--there's no way they're going to tell the cops that you were black. And you weren't talking that way when you came in the door--
GuNMAN
(whispered) Shut up. I like to improvise, you know--think on my feet--
StEVEN
(whispered) Well I wish you'd try doing a little more of that.
GuNMAN
(whispered) What?
StEVEN
(whispered) Thinking! Now why don't you go clean out the safe, we gotta move quick here!
GUNMAN
(whispered)Right!
(The Gunman goes to back to loot safe. He returns almost immediately.)
SteVEN
(whispered) What is it?
GuNMAN
It's locked.
StEVEN
Shhhh!
GunMAN
(whispered) Oh, right!--It's locked.
StEVEN
(whispered) Well go ask Greg for the combo, or keys or whatever!
GuNMAN
Hey! Greg!...er, Manager! What's the combo for the safe?
GrEG
I can't open it--it's on a timer...It only opens once a day after we close!
Gunman
(whispered) Shit!
STEVEN
Shit!
(Gunman shoots him a look)
STEVEN
(whispered) I mean--Shit!
GuNMAN
(whispered) Did you know it was on a timer?
StEVEN
(whispered) No, did you? I mean, I knew he only opened it after closing--but I thought that was just the routine...
GunMAN
(whispered)Well, what are we gonna do?
SteVEN
(whispered) Well, I guess--
(They are interrupted by the sound of several cars screeching to a halt outside and car doors opening and slamming)
Steven
Get down!
GunMAN
What?
Steven
Quick--behind here!
(Steven reaches over the counter and pulls the Gunman over it--they hide behind it)
Voice on Police horn
This is the police. We've got you surrounded. Come out with your hands up!
Gunman
(whispered) Wow! They really say that?
STEVEN
Jonathan, this is no time!
VoICE ON POLICE HORN
We know you're in there. Surrender peacefully and nobody gets hurt.
STEVEN
Wait, I've got a plan!
(Steven pulls Gunman around behind part of counter that we can't see behind)
(Policeman enters)
Policeman
Freeze! Come out with your hands up!
STEVEN
(From behind counter) Who--me?
PolICEMAN
Yeah you! up!
(We see Steven's hands emerge first, then his nervous face as he slowly rises from behind the counter)
POLICEMAN
Where'd he go?
SteVEN
He ran out the back door right before you got here!
PoLICEMAN
(Into shoulder mike for walkie talkie) Can I get a check on the rear of the building? (to Greg, Grandma, Teddy) You can get up now. Is that everyone?
StEVEN
(Under his breath) Get up!...come on!
PoLICEMAN
Who's back there?
SteVEN
Jonathan, get up!
(We see Gunman's hands appear first as he rises from behind the counter with his hands in the air, his unmasked face next. He is now dressed in the apron and uniform of the other La Tacquinta employees.)
GreG
Jonathan!? What are you doing here?
SteVEN
He came in while you were out back
GREG
I thought you were on vacation? You aren't scheduled to work until next week...?
GUNMAN (JONATHAN)
Oh, well...you know, I got out there, and...did some stuff...but I got bored--and I missed you guys. So I came back.
(They all look at him)
STEVEN
What he means to say is that Wyoming wasn't all it's cracked up to be.
PoLICEMAN
You went on vacation in Wyoming?
Gunman (Jonathan)
Well, Yeah. It's pretty, you know--big sky country. All that.
PolICEMAN
Huh.
StEVEN
And isn't your grandma sick? Isn't that part of it?
GuNMAN (Jonathan)
My grandma? Oh, yeah. My grandma--she's sick. I came home early cause she's sick.
GrEG
I didn't even hear you come in...or see you...
GuNMAN (Jonathan)
Oh? Yeah, I uh, saw the guy in the ski mask coming across the parking lot right behind me as I walked in...and I...hid.
StEVEN
Behind the counter. He hid behind the counter.
PolICEMAN
Huh. Did anyone else get a good look at this guy? But I guess you've got cameras installed--we'll have to take a look at the footage--
GrEG
Well actually, they're fakes. I thought the stickers on the door and the fake cameras in the corner would be enough to keep this sort of thing from happening.
StEVEN
(Aside, to Jonathan) Did you know they were fakes?
GunMAN (Jonathan)
(Aside) I didn't even know we had cameras...
PoLICEMAN
What's that?
sTEVEN
Oh--We were just saying that we couldn't believe someone would do something like this!
PoLICEMAN
Huh. Well did anyone else get a good look at him?
GrANDMA
I did. I saw his reflection in the window when he took off his mask.
PolICEMAN
could you describe him for me?
GrANDMA
Well...he was...Oh dear me. I'm so bad with things like this--my memory isn't what it used to be.
PoLICEMAN
Anything? Can you give us anything at all you think might be helpful for us to go off of?
GrANDMA
Well...He was...tall. Or maybe, not too tall. Maybe just above average heighth.
PoLICEMAN
Was he shorter or taller than this man?
(He points to Jonathan--who freezes like a deer in the headlights)
GraNDMA
Oh...I don't know...maybe...
PolICEMAN
Yes?
GrANDMA
He was taller. Much, much taller. He was practically towering over all of us--the big bully!
PolICEMAN
(into shoulder mic) We're looking for a suspect roughly (He sizes jonathan up) mmmmmm--over six feet tall I'd say. Could be armed and dangerous--let's search the surrounding areas. Over. (To all) Now I'll need to get statements from all of you, so don't go anywhere--I'll take you first. (He points to Greg) Come right this way.
Policeman and Greg exit.
Teddy
Gramma, I'm cold. Do you think I could go get my jacket from the car?
(Teddy exits)
GRANDMA
I'm sure that would be fine, Teddy. Hurry back!
STEVEN
(Whispered) That was close.
GunMAN (Jonathan)
(Whispered) I'll say.
GRANDMA
You know, I may be old, but I have excellent hearing.
Steven
Excuse me?
GrANDMA
I heard every word you said.
GunMAN (Jonathan)
You did?
GraNDMA
I did. And your Grandmother isn't sick.
GuNMAN (Jonathan)
She isn't?
GRANDMA
No, she isn't. I recognized you. You're Delores' grandson, aren't you?
GuNMAN (Jonathan)
You know my grandma?
GrANDMA
Yes. And the only reason I didn't turn you in is because I know it would break her heart to hear that her grandson was a kleptomaniac!
GuNMAN (Jonathan)
It would--please don't turn me in!
GrANDMA
Don't give me any reasons too--I'm this close! I'd better not hear about you boys getting in to any more trouble or else my 'bad memory' might magically get a whole lot better!
GunMAN (Jonathan)
Yes, Ma'am!
Steven
Anything you say!
(Policeman enters again.)
PolicEMAN
Alright ma'am, we're ready for you. Are things any clearer now?
(She looks over at Steven and Jonathan who respond with pleading glances.)
GRANDMA
Well it all happened so quickly--I just don't know. Let me see, I think he was...
(She exits with Officer)
(There is a long pause.)
StEVEN
Wow. Didn't see that one coming.
gunMAN (Jonathan)
Yeah. Me neither. I didn't think my Grandma had any friends.
StEVEN
Well--She does now.
BLACKOUT.